Earth Day

How appropriate that I write of you today. For I believe that you have become a part of everything around me. I know it's you that makes my world more beautiful, that the tree we planted together grows more full since you've been gone. You want me to know that you're still here, and so you have become a part of all the things we loved together. It's you who brought the baby kittens to my door, because you know how much I've always wanted to experience this joy. And the grass that now is growing where it wouldn't grow before, you made it grow for me. I know it's you, because you'd give me the world if you could, and you're telling me you love me and that you'll always be with me... I hear you, Mom, and I love you, too. I'd give you the world, too. But I guess we both know that our love for eachother transcends time and space, and we will always be together here in this life, in past lives and in some future life there will be friends that all will envy... because they always have. Thank you for sharing this day, and for sharing this life with me.

Who Is "Steve"?

I went back to read "Not In Vain", and someone commented on it. It said "Steve". Who is this person? Is there someone else who shares my grief? Or are you someone I know? Please reveal yourself.

Meanwhile, I try everyday to go forward as you'd want me to. Some days are harder than others. I often wonder if you'd approve of how I handle things since you've been gone. I tell myself that you would be proud of me no matter what. I try to recall our conversations when you would tell me how much I contribute to this world. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I want so much to succeed and make you proud. Oh, Mom, I miss the times we shared. My Scrabble game and Yahtzee sit untouched. The tears well in my eyes knowing we will never play again. What am I supposed to do now for a friend? You are gone and I am lonely. But I know I must go on. Once you said that when you died you knew that I'd die with you, I feel I have. I am alone as you once were, so I will try to do as you once did. It breaks my heart to know that you were so alone, I feel now the way you must have felt. I love and miss you Mom. I hope you're in a place where you are happy, I hope someday that I will join you there.

Not In Vain...

Mom was discouraged. And when she voiced it to anyone other than me, they brushed her aside. I watched as others were given credit for doing her job (as a mother and more) and her protests were ignored. I saw the tears that filled her eyes when no one listened. So many phony sentiments being passed around to those who deserved nothing, while she was passed over . So many benefited from her love, and so few ever gave it back or acknowledged her. She didn't want fame or fortune, just credit for her hard work. The hard work she did alone. No one helped her raise her children. No one helped her feed and clothe them or put a roof over their heads. No one but her shared her children's pain and sorrow and wiped away their tears. My mother gave her life's blood only to be forgotten by so many who could have given back. It would have cost them nothing to at least acknowledge it was her efforts that helped them to succeed. All they had to do was give her credit. But instead they turned their backs and acted like she never mattered. Where would they all be now, were it not for the love and hard work that she gave so freely? But I knew, and I still know... So on this Easter continue your empty diatribe, pretend to know what God is all about, and ignore the fact that what you say is phony, no one really pays attention anyway, right? Wrong. "Empty words from empty hearts won't heavens passage buy..." Maybe someday you will give to those who really matter, not to those you do not matter to. And then what my mother tried to teach you will not have been in vain...